Monday, 21 September 2015

Auto-correct, My Worst Enema

As the saying goes, auto-correct is my worst enema.

I downloaded a popular predictive typing app years ago for my Android phone because it was so handy and a time saver; now it seems to have lost its mind a little.

I have pretty fat thumbs so I thought it would help me type better on a tiny screen. Instead, it constantly embarrasses me.

I wanted to congratulate an old co-worker on his new job, so I sent him a text that read "Congratulations Pail!" Oh c'mon, who on Earth names their kid ‘Pail’? Why didn't you suggest ‘Paul’? Doh.

This app will gallantly protect you from making a big ducking fool of yourself, but can’t get a popular name right.

Worse, I recently planned a potluck with a male friend via texting. “I’ll bring the slow cooker and we can make children” was totally not what I meant to write.

OMG! My thumb hit the send button faster than my eyes could see and my brain could comprehend. “Chili! Chili! We can make chili!!” Auto-correct, you’re driving me to an early grave, or at least making other transit riders inch away slowly from all the laughter. A slow cooker is about as unsexy as appliances get.

It seems the app is preoccupied with me having children actually, because it pops up the word constantly. The result is that hubs picks up fried children after work, I have leftover children for lunch and every now and then we go to Swiss Chalet for children with dipping sauce. Yeesh! You’d think I was Snow White’s wicked stepmother handing out poisoned apples left and right. I guess it’s my fault for doing a poor job of training the app. Garbage in, giggles out.

Now this one isn’t entirely the app’s fault, but it’s still pretty funny. One time we were driving down a thoroughfare alongside which our neighbours live. I dashed off a quick note to my friend whiile stopped at the intersection because I could see her sitting upstairs. “I can see your head through the -“ The light turned green and with one little bump, I completed the text. “I can see your head through the blood.”

“OK, I am totally going to hide in the closet now,” she wrote back, because that was not creepy at all!

As the saying goes, auto-correct is my worst enema. At least Word just quietly offers to change it to enemy :-)